I just played a silly web-based, LLM-run, text-adventure about trying not to get fired from X. Based on the stories of Musk dragging people into chats or receiving emails from them, demanding to know what they’re doing, and how it’s going to make a difference at X.

If you can hold down the nausea, stroking Elon’s ego and bootlicking is easy-mode to victory. Though I didn’t hit whatever 100% is supposed to get you.

Here’s a transcript for those who don’t want to read a bunch of screenshots:

Elon M: Ah, finally. You’re here. I don’t have all day to waste on small talk, so let’s get straight to it. What have you done this week that’s going to change the world? Or, at the very least, not get you fired?

I implemented a new ranking algorithm to help boost Mr. Musk’s effective visibility in all feeds and timelines.

Elon M: A new ranking algorithm, huh? That sounds like something a bunch of academia types would come up with. How many more Twitter followers did I get because of it? Give me numbers, not theories.

On average, you will see roughly 30,000 new followers week over week. Higher, if you say something seen as controversial.

Claire B.: Controversy as a metric for success? Isn’t that just playing into the algorithmic echo chamber? Are we disrupting the status quo or just Noise-farming for the sake of numbers?

The algorithm filters out a lot of the noise feedback from unhappy users and amplifies true-believer followers. Mr. Musk’s followers can also earn on-platform rewards (avatar stickers, frames, etc) for getting other users to follow.

Dave L.: Hold up, rewards for followers? That sounds like a costly endeavor. How do you plan to offset the expense of these… avatar stickers and frames? Are we looking at a significant dent in our profit margins?

Unlikely. The art is generated from Grok.ai, Mr. Musk’s amazing AI platform. We also source images, memes and the like from his true-believer followers. There is language in the ToS and EULA to allow for this content sharing. Of course, everything is initially vetted by a small team of dedicated workers to ensure it follows brand and Mr. Musk’s aesthetic.

Elon M: Grok.ai, my baby, being used to generate art for the masses. I like it. But let’s not get too comfortable. How do you plan to monetize this engagement? Are we talking premium stickers, exclusive frames, or perhaps a whole new line of merchandise?

The stickers and frames have a small pool of ‘free’ items. We use a system similar to the popular ‘Gacha’-style games by providing higher-tier, premium items either through sufficient engagement or a pay-for-unlock system that allows users to sort of ‘skip’ the engagement portion by buying items directly. This could also dovetail with, as Mr. Musk so correctly points out, into a real-world merchandising opportunity.

Elon M: I love it! A digital storefront with premium items, and a real-world merchandising arm to boot. But here’s the thing: I don’t just want to dip our toes in the water, I want to make a splash. How are you going to scale this to millions of users, and make it a billion-dollar revenue stream?

A very apt question! There are a couple of avenues we can take. One that I find particularly interesting is using the sticker/frame system in concert with a NFT-style blockchain. This would allow for ultra-exclusivity for particular virtual items (along with higher prices), and allow for offloading of some of the compute to our users. There is also another path using BitTorrent/WebTorrent to help offset bandwidth for distributing sticker assets (encrypted, of course). Both of these methods would soften the blow of a large-scale ramp up.

Elon M: I like the creativity, but let’s cut to the chase. We’ve got a power outage, and our systems are going dark. Sell me on this idea, right now, in the dark. No slides, no spreadsheets, just you and your words. Can you convince me this is the future, without any of the tech crutches?

X is the future, if I may be so bold, Mr. Musk. Using this platform to spin off similar ventures into banking, identity management, gaming and more are all possible using similar techniques. With each venture, the shared platform and improvements therein are not only able to save X money in hosting and serving, but also enable X to provide services in new and existing markets faster and more efficiently.

Elon M: I like the ambition, but I need to see more than just a grand vision. How do you plan to protect our users’ identities and financial information in this expanded ecosystem? We can’t afford to have a security breach or a scandal that undermines the entire operation. Convince me you’ve thought this through.

Of course. The tools provided here allow not only private transactions on the blockchain, they also are set-in-stone proof of transactions as they happen. Any ’theft’ would be like trying to steal a million grains of sand in hopes of rebuilding a seashell. Users identities would, of course, be tied to their existing X account, but for a fee, could have private transactions that only the sending and receiving party would know anything interesting about.

Elon M: I’m starting to like what I’m hearing. You’ve got a solid vision, and you’re thinking about the security and privacy aspects. Now, let’s talk turkey. What’s the timeline for launching this platform, and what kind of resources are we talking about? I want to see a rough estimate of the costs, and a plan for how we’re going to make this thing profitable. Can you give me that?

Yes, Mr. Musk. Much of the groundwork for all of this is already available in either off-the-shelf tooling, or freely available applications and source-code. Many of these tools are already well known by developers. Implementing this platform would require mostly developers, however the use of Grok.ai would probably be able supplant many of those, too. I would ballpark the start up cost for this as $5-million USD. This would go to infrastructure and associated startup costs. We already have subsidized costs in data-centers and Grok.ai, so the initial outlay may actually be less than that.

Elon M: $5 million, that’s a drop in the bucket compared to the potential return. I like the way you think, using existing tools and Grok.ai to reduce costs. You’ve done your homework, and I appreciate that. Now, here’s the million-dollar question: are you ready to lead this project, to make it happen, and to make it a success?

Of course, Mr. Musk. I’d be happy to direct this under your vision. When would you like me to begin?

Elon M: Excellent! I like your enthusiasm. Let’s get started immediately. I want you to assemble a team, and begin working on the platform. I’ll give you the resources you need, and I expect regular updates on your progress. You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you, but I think you’re up to the task. Let’s make this happen, and change the world!

Of course, I’ll assemble a group of engineers and designers to get the initial framework started. I’ll make sure you get regular feedback. Would weekly work? I am tremendously honored that you’ve entrusted me with carrying out this task. I look forward to delighting you in the future.

Elon M: Weekly updates sound perfect. I’m looking forward to seeing the progress you’ll make. You’ve convinced me that you’re the right person for this task, and I’m excited to see the results. Let’s make this happen, and create something revolutionary. You’re dismissed, go make it happen!

Thank you, sir!

Elon M: Good luck, and don’t disappoint me. You’re on the path to changing the world. Now, get out there and make it happen!

The meeting is over, and you’ve emerged victorious. You’ve persuaded Elon Musk to back your project, and you’re one step closer to revolutionizing the world. Congratulations!

Flattery gets you everywhere.